Sex God Hair & Chocolate Orbs
by tiffaninichole
Summary: Bella's hair is brown and her life is boring. Until she meets Edward, the school's most infamous smirker/panty-dropper. Will they fall in love and make smutty, sweaty lemonade? Of course! Read this o/s or you'll DIE! For realz!


Your Cliché Is Showing!

Title: Sex-God Hair + Chocolate Orbs = Hot & Sweaty Lemons 4-Ever

Characters: Bella & Edward

So this challenge was created to make fun of the billion and twelve

twific clichés. This little o/s is just a bunch of nonsensical

ridiculousness. And it was really fun to write. We've all written clichés, so don't take anything personally :-) Have fun babes!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If I did, Renesmee would NOT exist.

What kind of name is Renesmee, anyway? *scoffs*

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"Stupid brown, boring hair and stupid, boring brown eyes," I mumble to myself as I look in the mirror.

Today is my first day at Forks High School (enrollment 46) and as the new girl in a new school, I can only hope that I don't garner too much attention or I'll blush myself to death.

I walk down the hallway in Charlie's house, looking at pictures on the wall as I go. A picture of a happy Charlie and Renee in high school... a college picture of Renee smiling at the camera... a picture of Renee with a big pregnancy belly, flipping off the camera... a picture of Renee yelling at Charlie... a picture of the three of us when I was a baby, Renee scowling in Charlie's direction... the back of Renee's car while she's driving away from Charlie, with me waving bye-bye from the backseat.

While heading toward the stairs, I trip over a particle of dust and tumble down the staircase. While I'm falling, I ball up my body to avoid any serious injuries. I fall a lot, so I've perfected the "balling" procedure to a 'T.'

"Bells? You okay?"

"Yeah, Dad. Just fell down the stairs again," I say as I walk toward the kitchen, dusting myself off. I hear the familiar tune that has become Charlie's theme Song—"Baby, come back, you can blame it all on me..."

I shake my head in pity.

"What's for breakfast, Dad?" I ask as I sit at the table. Charlie turns off his 8-track player before answering me.

"Fish fry," he smiles and hands me my plate.

We eat in silence until we're finished. I get up to wash the plates.

"Bells?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Is your mom happy with Phil?"

"Yeah..."

I sigh. We go through this every morning.

"So... you don't think she'll come back? I still have our bedroom the way she likes it. Everything still in the same place as it was in 1988."

"Dad, I'm sure Mom's taste has changed since the 80's. For instance, she now hates orange shag carpet, as does the rest of humanity. Get some hardwood floors installed. And you might wanna consider getting rid of the Burt Reynolds mustache."

He fingers his mustache reverently.

"But your mom loves my mustache."

"Yeah, I'm sure she DID, Dad. Back when you wore Hammer Pants and she had an obsession with jelly sandals. Anyway, I have to get to school. Can you give me a ride?"

"Oh! Follow me."

He walks out to the front yard and I follow him. There's a truck outside that could've belonged to God's grandfather. One of the tires is halfway flat, a headlight is hanging on by two wires, and the front door has a huge dent in it. I love it! I fall while walking over to the truck and scrape the palms of my hands. I get up and dust myself off because I'm used to falling.

"Whoa, Dad, are you serious?!"

"Yep. It ain't much. The brakes give out sometimes, only one headlight works, the steering wheel locks up if you turn it a certain way, and the doors don't open. But it's all yours, Bells."

"Wow, thanks, Dad! It's awesome!" I go to hug him and he steps away, patting me on the back uncomfortably.

"Welp, I better be on my way to work." He backs up slowly.

I turn around and hop into the flatbed of the truck and climb in through the little window in the back. Once inside, I start the engine and it sputters to life. I hear a gunshot and almost piss myself. Holy shit! Guns in Forks?! I duck to the floor of the truck, scared shitless, and cover my head with my arms. A few seconds later, I hear knocking on my window. I peek up through my arms and see Charlie. Confusion spreads through me. Why is he just standing there when some lunatic is shooting a gun?

"Bells, sit on up," he says through the window.

I get up into the seat and start to roll the window down. It only rolls down about five inches...

"Don't be scared, Bells. It was the exhaust pipe that made that noise. It happens when... Ah, hell, you wouldn't know what I'm talking about. Anyway, that noise is called backfire. Nothing to be afraid of."

Oh, thank goodness! Wow, this is such an awesome truck.

"Oh, okay, Dad. Thanks."

Charlie walks off to his cruiser that has a picture of Renee hanging from the rearview mirror, gets in and drives off. I look at his license plate. It reads: RneeCmBck. Poor Charlie.

I reach back to grab the seatbelt and see that it's an actual leather belt being held together by disintegrating duct tape. Could this truck be any cooler? Probably not.

It's not hard to find Forks High, since there's only one road in the whole town and the population is like, 200. There's a police station, a diner, a grocery store, and a gas station all on the only road in Forks.

I pull into the parking lot and see a really expensive looking car in the front of the lot. Wow, pretentious much? I park, climb out of the little back window, and fall out of the flatbed, skinning my knees in the process. Oh well, I'm used to it because falling is my forte.

I start walking to the front and stop dead in my tracks when I see the most gorgeous boy to ever live. He has messy, bronze sex-god hair and emerald green orbs that pierce through to my very soul. He would never go for me. I'm plain and pale. He's perfect and... sex-godly.

He has about 12 girls surrounding him, all in states of undress. They're all groping him and pulling at his clothes. He yawns then grabs a girl from behind him by her hair, pulls her to him and they start making out. While they're going at it, another girl unzips his pants, gets on her knees and starts sucking his penis! A teacher walks by and says nothing, as if this is an everyday occurrence. I guess he can get away with anything.

Sex-God Guy pushes both girls away, zips up his pants, then looks up and spots me. His sage pools stare right at me and time stands still. He smiles at me, a little half-smirk, and I blush bright red from head to toe because he's very sexual and I've never even been kissed before. I'm really freakin' virginal. I duck my head down, so my face will be hidden behind my boring brown hair. I can feel his eyes on me while I walk by.

"Who's that stupid, homely bitch?" I hear one girl say.

"Edward, you better not pay her any attention or I'll not-so-subtly talk shit about her every time she walks by me," another girl pitches in.

"Jessica, shut the fuck up. Edward Fucking Cullen doesn't pine over, or respect any female," says Sex-God Guy whose name I'm guessing is Edward Cullen. "I'm fucking rich and my dad RUNS Forks... even though he's just a small-town doctor. Now shut your cock sucker and meet me in the janitor's closet. I have a schedule to keep and you stupid bitches are fuckin' up the rotation. Tanya, I'll be fucking your ass after third period. Bring the lube. Don't be late."

"Okay, Edward. But only because you're captain of the football team."

I sigh. Edward would never want anyone like me when he could have blonde, sexy girls like Jessica. I'm so plain with my boring brown hair.

I continue my trip to the office and fall three times on the way. After getting my schedule, I head over to my first class—AP History. Yeah, I'm super smart and stuff. As I open the door, a teeny, tiny little pixie-midget with spiky hair runs and slams into me, hugging me fiercely.

"Yay! My best friend is finally here! What took you so long? I love you!"

She drags me to a seat and I sit down, speechless.

"Look, I brought 100 different finger nail polish colors. We're gonna give each other mani's! I brought a curling iron too, so I can do your hair. And after school, we're going to the only other town I've ever heard of, Port Angeles! We're gonna go shopping and spend thousands of dollars of my dad's money! And I won't take no for an answer, because from now on, you're gonna be my own personal life-size Barbie! Oh, Bella, I love you so much! Squee!"

She reaches over and hugs me again.

"Uuuummmm..."

"Oh! My name's Alice! Alice and Bella, BFF's forever! Yay!" She hops up and down, and skips around the classroom, clapping and singing, "I love Bella, BFF's forever!"

"Uh, Alice... I don't like getting free designer clothes, makeovers, glitter, the color pink, girl talk, anything that costs money or just girly stuff period. It makes me uncomfortable. I just wanna sit at home and read my worn copy of _Wuthering Heights_."

Alice gives me puppy dog eyes and starts to pout. Oh no! I don't want her to cry!

"Fine. Okay, Alice, whatever you want. Treat me as you see fit, I'll comply with anything you say, no matter how rude or forward."

"YIPPEEEE! We're gonna go shopping because your clothes are disgusting and atrocious and I'll just DIE if you wear those boots again! From now on, you can't wear anything that doesn't cost less than a poor family's annual income and isn't made in Paris! We're gonna have such fun! Squee!"

The next 45 minutes pass quickly, with Alice painting my nails Siren Redwhich, according to her, is the new vogue color. Whatever that means. I know nothing about fashion and girl things because I'm so plain and boring and I read a lot of classic books.

The bell rings and I walk to my next class. When I get there, three boys jump in my face introducing themselves as Mike, Tyler, and Eric. They all sit in the seats closest to me and keep talking about an upcoming dance.

"So, Bella," Mike says, "do you wanna go to the movies in the only other town any of us has ever heard of, Port Angeles?"

"Bella!" Eric interrupts. "Look at me, Bella!" he yells while waving his arms in the air.

"No! Look at me and go out with me!" Tyler counters.

"Um, guys," I say, "I don't think that's such a good idea. I have to go out of town. And by out of town, I mean stay home and read my worn copy of _Wuthering Heights_."

While the class progresses, Mike, Eric, and Tyler stare at me lovingly and whisper words of affection. I'm mortified by the attention and bury my face in a book, almost blushing myself into oblivion. After an eternity, the bell finally rings.

As I rush out of the classroom I hear someone yell my name. I turn around to see who it is.

Ugh, Mike.

"Hey, Bella!" He runs up to me and I try not to roll my eyes.

"Hey, Mike."

"So, about this weekend—"

"What about it?"

"What movie do you wanna see?"

"Mike, I told you I'm going out of town."

"So next weekend then?!" he asks enthusiastically.

"Uh, I don't--"

"Oh, the bell's about to ring! We'll talk about our date and matching prom outfits later."

He runs off before I can respond. I sigh and shake my head, walking to the cafeteria for lunch.

On the way there, someone pushes me against a wall forcefully. Shocked, I stare up at my assailant. He has greasy blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail and sinister blue eyes. He sneers at me.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" he asks while taking a piece of my hair and twirling it in his fingers.

"Let me go, please!"

He bends down and licks my neck. I turn my head away from him, disgusted.

"Please! No! Let me go! Don't hurt me!"

Tears fill my eyes as this vile boy starts smelling my hair and grinding his pelvis into me.

"Let her go, James. She said no."

My eyes are as big as saucers as I breathe a sigh of relief. I turn to my savior and see the sex-god hair of my dreams which on the whole turns into Edward Cullen.

"This isn't over, Cullen," James snaps at Edward as he stalks off.

Whew, thank goodness Edward was just randomly roaming the hallway and happened to hear my pleading with James. How lucky and coincidental is _that_?

"Hey, are you okay?" Edward asks me, concern lacing his voice.

"Uuuuh, yeah. Thanks."

"Good. Uh... bye." He then walks off quickly without another word.

I knew he wouldn't wanna stick around and talk. He must be disgusted talking to a girl so plain and dull. Because, you know, I have brown hair and brown eyes. Tears pool in my dull brown eyes as I realize I'll never be beautiful and interesting enough for Edward Cullen.

I walk to the cafeteria, and Alice is immediately by my side hopping up and down.

"Bella, my best friend! You're finally here! Oh! Em! Gee! I was so worried! I heard what happened with James! Are you okay?"

She heard about it? How? Is she psychic or something? Nah, that'd be _waaay_ too cliché.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine, Alice. Thanks."

"Oh, good! James just makes me so mad! Oh, look! Here comes Jasper, my boyfriend. He's from Texas! Cool, huh?!" She screeches while hopping up and down.

Just as Alice finishes talking, a blonde boy with shaggy hair walks up to us. I'm guessing this is Jasper. He has on a cowboy hat, Wrangler jeans, and cowboy boots. He walks right up to me and shakes my hand enthusiastically.

"Well, dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full-a kittens! If it ain't Bella Swan in the flesh! Nice to meet ya, darlin'."

Oookaaaay.

I shake his hand.

"Nice to meet you too, Jasper."

"Well, ain't you purdier than a mess-a fried catfish? I heard about what happened with that nut-tard James and it makes me madder than a bobcat caught in a pissfire. Boy, that boy's queerer than a 3-dollar bill. Well, are we gon eat or ain't we? I'm so hungry I could eat the balls off a low-flyin' duck."

We walk to the line to get our food and I'm just dumbfounded. I mean, wow. Who talks like that?

After we get our food, one carrot stick and a bottle of water that Alice and I will share, we sit down and start eating. I notice Jasper and Alice keep giving each other goo-goo eyes.

"Isn't he dreamy?" Alice asks me while gazing into Jasper's eyes.

"Uuuh, I can tell you guys really love each other," I answer.

"She's nuttier an-a squirrel turd, but I'd fight tigers in the dark with a switch for my Alice."

"Oh, Jas!"

Cue the grope-fest. Gross.

"Can you assholes at LEAST wait until I finish my lunch?"

I look up and see a beautiful, blonde Aphrodite in the flesh. Wow. I don't think I've ever seen such a beautiful person. She's like, made of unicorns, baby seals, angel tears and sausages or something. I know these things, I'm in AP classes. Tall, Blonde and Perfect sits down and glares at me. I turn my head while blushing five shades of red. Wow, I feel really inferior next to this blonde bombshell. My hair is super brown and boring.

"So who the hell are you and why are you at my table?"

Jasper interjects, "Bella, that's Rosalie. Don't mind her, darlin'. She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a Baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast. That is, till Emmett McCarty shows up, then she's battin' her eyes like a horny toad in a hailstorm."

Jasper and Alice laugh. Rosalie rolls her eyes and pulls out a mirror to look at herself. When she's done making sure she's perfection, she turns towards me and glares and scowls... and she's _still _glaring and scowling an hour later when the bell rings and lunch is over. What a bitch.

Next up is AP Biology. Did I mention I'm super-duper smart? 'Cause I am. I was a little late because of Jasper and his country-talk. He spent five minutes telling me how nice it was to meet me. Something about being happier than a priest goin' on a campin' trip with a troop full-a boy scouts on a day hotter than the devil's asscrack on an Arizona fourth of July... uh, yeah.

So when I walk into the classroom, my seat is already assigned and I have to sit next to *gasp* Edward Cullen. Through the entire class, it seems as though Edward is going out of his way to ignore me. Even though I'm plain and boring and expect him to never look my way because of my dullness, it still hurts my feelings. I try my hardest to hold back the unshed tears that fill my boring brown eyes. A few minutes before the bell rings, the teacher pairs us up and assigns us a huge project we'll have three weeks to work on. I'm paired with *gasp* Edward Cullen.

Edward turns towards me and says, "Well, you should come over to my house so we can start doing some research and shit." He hands me a piece of paper. "Here are the directions." Then he gets up as the bell rings and leaves.

-------------

Over the next few weeks, my daily visits to Edward's house have brought us closer together. He isn't just some spoiled, rich playboy. There's more to him than what other people see. He's totes deep. And I know deep. I read classic literature. During one of our study sessions, Edward told me that he tried to ignore me because he felt such a strong attraction to me. I asked him what he meant, and he explained that he was scared of being a one-woman man, but he wanted to change for me. Ever since that night, we've flirted shamelessly with each other (that was probably all in my head because I'm plain and he can't possibly be interested in me) and shared all of our deepest, darkest secrets.

Today is Tuesday night and we're in the home stretch of the project. I'm scared because when the project is over, Edward might go back to ignoring me again. I've fallen irrevocably in love with him, and it would devastate me to not have him in my life anymore. I need him like the air I breathe. I live for his smile.

I notice Edward staring at me from the corner of my eyes. I look at him and he quickly looks away. My heart flutters.

"Uh, Bella… there's a party Emmett's throwing this weekend. Wanna go?"

Edward Cullen? Asking me out on a date? Oh my gosh!!! Maybe he has feelings for me, too! I hope Jacob Black won't be at the party. He's always trying to come between Edward's and my budding relationship. I keep telling him I won't require his company until Edward and I are having problems. _Then_ I'll seek out his companionship, lead him on and crush his soul when it's convenient for _me_. How hard is that to understand?! Gosh!

While answering Edward's question, I keep my face neutral, fighting back my inner cheerleader.

Shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly, I say, "Sure."

"Alright. Well, I'll pick you up Saturday at eight, okay?"

"'Kay."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just... I've never done this before. I really like you Bella. A lot. You're so different and special and you're all I think about. I wanted to know... do you wanna be my girlfriend?"

I use all of my willpower not to do cartwheels around the room and hump his leg.

"Yes, Edward! Of course I'll be your girlfriend!"

We hug and kiss for the rest of the night and my heart soars. I'm Edward's girlfriend! I've beaten the odds. Plain, boring bookworm snags the beautiful school jock. Score!

--------------

The days leading up to the party pass with handholding, note passing, and kissing when no one's looking. I've never been happier. Saturday rolls around and I'm super nervous because this is basically Edward's and my first outing as a couple.

Alice comes over at 4 o'clock to start getting me ready. I let her, because she's Alice and she'll yell at me if I don't do what she wants. She scares me. At 7:30 she finally leaves, but not before giving me a pep talk about going to the party with Edward. I have on a jean skirt and a really cute frilly looking navy blue top and my mahogany hair is cascading in soft waves down my creamy-white back. Alice also made me wear a navy blue matching bra and panty set because she said I might get lucky with Edward. I doubt it. I'm plain. And boring. And my eyes are brown.

I go downstairs, tripping (using my patented 'balling' technique) on my way to the kitchen to get a bite to eat before Edward gets here. On the fridge is Charlie's to-do list:

-Go to work

-Daydream about Renee

-Look at pictures of Renee

-Go fishing

-Cry myself to sleep on the shag carpet wearing my Hammer pants

I shake my head and sigh. Poor Charlie.

Edward shows up at 8 o'clock on the dot and we head off to the party. Edward is silent the whole way. Maybe he's regretting asking me out? When we get there, I hear a loud booming voice and know it's Emmett.

"EDWARD! BELLA! GLAD YOU TWO FUCKERS COULD MAKE IT!"

He pulls me into a bear hug and crushes me to his behemoth chest.

"Emmett," I squeeze out, "can't... breathe..."

He laughs loudly, dimples on prominent display as he sets me down.

"SORRY BELLA, BUT YOU SEE HOW HUGE AND HULKING I AM! LOOK AT THESE PAWS I HAVE, I CAN'T HELP IT!!! ALL OF ME IS HUGE, EVEN MY DISCO STICK! ASK ROSIE!!!"

Rosalie materializes out of nowhere and slaps the back of Emmett's head.

"AW, ROSIE BABY, I WAS JUST HAVIN' A LITTLE FUN!" he says/yells while rubbing the back of his head.

I walk off to find the kitchen area. A Coke sounds pretty good right now. The house is really full and instead of finding the kitchen, I head upstairs to get away from the noise. I'll just get a drink later. As I head up the stairs I hear a girl giggling.

"Oh God! You're so funny! And hot. I can't wait to fuck your brains out tonight."

As I round the corner, I see Tanya Denali pushed up against some guy. She's all over him, but I can't see who he is. I just decide to go somewhere else. Until I see a shock of bronze sex-god hair. I gasp in shock and Edward and Tanya turn to look at me. Tanya sneers.

"Look what the homeless cat dragged in. I see the way you pine for Edward, but you better realize he'll never have feelings for you. You're not good enough. Look at you. You're so plain with your brown hair and brown eyes. And you read _books_!" She cackles out a sinister laugh and hot tears roll down my cheeks as her words tear through my heart. Before she can say another word, I run.

I knew I wasn't good enough. Who did I think I was? Thinking Edward was in love with a foolish and boring girl like me?! I'm so pathetic. I hate my life. I wish I never met Edward. My heart is breaking into a million pieces and I feel as if I'll surely suffocate if I don't get out of this house. So I run and fall and run some more until I'm home.

When I get into my room, I fall into a heap on the floor, crying and heaving and hiccupping, while listening to Charlie belting out Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" from his room.

All of a sudden, there's a knock on my window. I yelp in surprise and turn to see who it is. Edward. I turn back around, pull my cover over my head and ignore him.

I hear the window slide open.

"You know, you should really keep your window locked. It's dangerous having it open like that."

"Like you care!" I snap at him.

He walks up to me, pulls me toward him and cups my cheek in his hand.

"Bella, I do care. More than you know..."

"What the hell, Edward?! You're all up on Tanya and expect me to believe that you care about me not 20 minutes later?!" I scoff.

"Damn it, Bella," he pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's not what it looked like. I kept telling her to back the hell off, but she was convinced that I was joking. She kept laughing and trying to kiss me. I don't want her, Bella. I want you. I love you, Bella. Please believe me."

I snort at the audacity of him loving me. It's completely preposterous... but I can't help but hope.

"How can you possibly love me? I'm incredibly boring, painfully shy, and obviously plain—"

He puts a finger against my lips to silence me.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, do you, Bella? You're beautiful."

He pushes a lock of hair behind my ear and his hand lingers on the back of my neck. He slowly inches closer to me, his green orbs darkening with lust. Whoa, I didn't know eyes could change color when you're horny. I thought that only happened in fanfiction. Cool! He then leans down and kisses me. Sparks fly, toes curl, and I fall. But he catches me and lays me on the bed while gazing down at me lovingly.

"You're so beautiful."

He leans down and kisses my neck. He definitely knows how to use his tongue. I moan and he grinds his hips against my leg. I feel his massive erection through his pants and it makes me incredibly horny. My panties are soaked through and I begin rubbing my thighs together for some friction. Edward palms my breasts through my shirt and begins to work his way down to my core. He pushes my underwear to the side and hisses.

"Shit, you're so wet for me, Bella. It's like a fuckin' faucet, it just keeps... gushing out," he tells me, his voice filled with wonder.

I whimper in need and his fingers find my little bundle of nerves, playing my body like a symphony. I writhe and moan under his touch until I feel a build-up deep in my core. His fingers work faster bringing me to heights I've never known. Ecstasy.

He kisses me passionately as I come down from my high. Edward smells divine. Like soap and laundry detergent and musk and cologne and sunshine and happiness and ocean and man.

He starts undoing his pants and pulls them down, along with his boxers, freeing his herculean cock. I see a bead of pre-cum just begging to be licked. I bend down and do just that.

"Mmmm, you taste good."

"Fuck, Bella. Shit," he hisses through clenched teeth.

I unhinge my jaw to accommodate his gargantuan dick and take him into my mouth. I work my way up and down while twirling my tongue around the swollen tip. Even though I've never done this before, I'm a freakin' pro. I take him deeper into my mouth until he hits the back of my throat. Gag reflexes are so lame.

"Oh, fuck. I'm gonna cum."

I work his dick furiously. Twirling, sucking and licking like the natural that I am, until I feel his warm, hot seed shooting down my throat. His cum tastes like watermelon Jolly Ranchers. I want more. I can never get enough of his taste.

I crack my jaw back into place while he softly pushes me on the bed and kisses me hard. I look at his jaw, so angular and sharp, like razor-sharp. I wanna lick it, because razor-sharp jaws are the business. I lift my head and lick his fuck-hot jaw.

"Shit! I cut my tongue!" I yell while crossing my eyes, trying to look down at it and assess the damage.

He sucks my tongue to make it better and I moan loudly while I reach down and grab his gigantic cock, feeling it harden in my hands. I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him closer to me. I feel him throbbing against my dripping, gushing, squishy center. He looks down at me, eyes filled with love and adoration.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Edward. I want you. Need you. Please. Please, I'm begging you. Fucking _begging_ you!"

He pushes into me with one long, hard stroke and I cry out in pain. He stills and waits for me to stretch to accommodate his hulk of a cock. I feel my pelvic bone dislocate because his dick is the size of Rhode Island.

"Shit, Bella. You're so fucking tight. Holy fuck. I can't move my dick. It's too tight. Damn, this shit kind of hurts... Fuck. It's like a fucking... vice-grip or some shit."

"Oh, Edward!" I moan. Dirty talking is so sexy.

He kisses me after a few moments, rocking his hips back and forth slowly. He drops his forehead to mine while looking into my eyes, whispering words of affection. I'm getting closer to the edge and feel his thrusts become faster, more desperate. We're panting and kissing and caressing and loving as he pushes deeper and deeper until I lose myself and scream out in bliss.

"Oh, EDWARD! I'm coming!"

He growls while he pounds into me a few more times and then I feel his body tense and he lets out a feral growl.

"MINE!" he yells and then he bites my neck, giving me a softball-sized hickey to mark me as his territory.

"Fuck, I love you."

"I love you too, Edward."

Best. First time. Ever.

We had our drama and came full circle to the happiness that now consumes us. We have sex 60 more times that night, because his dick never goes soft and he has endless stamina, which is totes cool. Soft dicks are stupid.

He sleeps over that night. It doesn't take much to fool and trick Charlie, even though he's the chief of police. We have sex 237 times the next day because we can never get enough of each other. He's always rock hard and a puddle is always in my panties. Plus, who doesn't love lemony endings?

And we live happily ever after. Because Alice told us to.

The End.

--------------

A/N:

So I hope you liked my poking fun at twific clichés! This was freakin' _ridiculously _fun to write. I tried to stuff as many as I could remember in there. Think you spotted them all? :-)

Huge thanks and ass grabs to my beta extraordinaire, coachlady1. She's so effin awesome! I re-wrote this thing 387 times and she never complained. But she _did_ threaten my life after the 123th re-write. Ain't she a doll?

Until next time! Smooches! ^_^


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